It is beyond me how people can be so selfish. Or just downright mean. Rude. Hateful. Towards their own family who are near to comfort them.
I have no business being in the van (that isn't even used) or near it in any way (even tho it's right next to our car). Never mind the fact that I was going to talk to her about buying it, which would help her out financially. She not loaning out one of the scarves she made either, even thou it would be a nice gesture to wear to her husband's (my grandpa's) funeral. I just wanted a pop of color to go with my all depressing black and I like her scarves. I don't want to steal it. But she'll let me write all her thank you cards for her.
I know it sounds like trivial things but when you take a million+ trivial things and add them up over the years it becomes one insult after another. Just pings you down another notch.
It's hard enough to be here without Papa here in the house to listen to or talk to that she has to be that way for no reason other than to be the only selfish way she know's how to be.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Uhm, Remember me??
I am a horrible long distance family member & friend. How can I so easily no call or write? I swear to myself all the time....I also tell my self that I will change and do better but I don't.
I'm not afraid of anything. I don't think. I am not really a talker altho Husband says I am. I prefer quiet. Preferring quiet can't be the reason I don't at least write to people. Shit I'm horrible!
I AM SO NOT DONE ON THIS TOPIC
I'm not afraid of anything. I don't think. I am not really a talker altho Husband says I am. I prefer quiet. Preferring quiet can't be the reason I don't at least write to people. Shit I'm horrible!
I AM SO NOT DONE ON THIS TOPIC
Traitor uterus & ovaries!
I was wandering around Facebook and came across http://pinwheelsandpoppies.wordpress.com/2013/04/22/lesions-and-masses-and-nodules-oh-my/#comment-598
She is going through a lot of worry and anxiety about a kidney diagnosis, or 'not diagnosis' since they really don't know yet.
I've been running through what I'm feeling, trying to get a grasp, and she really opened things up for me. My best wishes of a hopeful diagnosis is sent across the miles.
I've had abdominal issues since my 1st c-section in 2001 and the VA/Army/civilian docs have passed me around, not really sending me to anyone of any help.
I found one GYN that said he felt a large mass of scar tissue that was built up around & attached to my ovary. He used 3 of his fingers (they were very large) to indicate the size. He wanted to remove it to help the pain. He also said that my uterus was sitting in there all ( when it should be in there like ) and since 2004 no one else wants to acknowledge that it's in there wrong. What the hell??
Now the GYN/surgeon from a different VA says he "can go in and look around and get all the bad stuff out" and he's "pretty sure it's not cancer and we shouldn't need a full hysterectomy but we won't know until we get in there." Thank you. I feel much better.
Oh, wait....no I don't.
I'm a huge worrier about everything and Husband tells me all the time to stop worrying, like it's something I can just turn off. Believe me, if I could, I would.
I haven't cried over all of this yet unless you count the doubling over in pain from the random shooting streaks of lightning that I swear are running through me. In all of my horrible worry my IBS is so flared up that there's almost no point in even eating. I'm just wasting food. In & right back out again.
I haven't told Husband I'm worried about all this because there is so much else on his plate right now that I don't want to add to it. He will be mad when he finds out I hid how I feeling but it's for his own good for now. He wouldn't tell me to stop worrying if he knew this now. He would tell me that every thing will be fine and he's sure it'll won't be anything major and this mini procedure will take care of everything.
See, no need to bug him.
I hate surgery. It's scary. What's worse? Then anesthesia and the needle that goes in your back. I don't know as of yet if that's how I'll get my anesthesia or not but it freaks me out to no end to not know! The 1st kid was an emergency c-section on an Army base & they were jacked the hell up in the first place so I had no faith in them. . The feeling I get in my body with that running through it makes me want to yomit. Yes, yomit with a Y...because it's worse than regular vomit. The 2nd was planned so I had time in advance to worry & be sick.
I can still, to this day, feel the spot where the needle went in my back and out into my body and I get chills like people say they feel when a ghost walks through them. Just creepy.
I haven't told my mom either. Does that make me a bad daughter? She's like 4 states away & worries just as much as I do, if not more since I'm her child and it wouldn't do either of us any good. I will tell her after & Doc calls with results.
The 15th of May for the laparoscopy is still a long way away.
She is going through a lot of worry and anxiety about a kidney diagnosis, or 'not diagnosis' since they really don't know yet.
I've been running through what I'm feeling, trying to get a grasp, and she really opened things up for me. My best wishes of a hopeful diagnosis is sent across the miles.
I've had abdominal issues since my 1st c-section in 2001 and the VA/Army/civilian docs have passed me around, not really sending me to anyone of any help.
I found one GYN that said he felt a large mass of scar tissue that was built up around & attached to my ovary. He used 3 of his fingers (they were very large) to indicate the size. He wanted to remove it to help the pain. He also said that my uterus was sitting in there all ( when it should be in there like ) and since 2004 no one else wants to acknowledge that it's in there wrong. What the hell??
Now the GYN/surgeon from a different VA says he "can go in and look around and get all the bad stuff out" and he's "pretty sure it's not cancer and we shouldn't need a full hysterectomy but we won't know until we get in there." Thank you. I feel much better.
Oh, wait....no I don't.
I'm a huge worrier about everything and Husband tells me all the time to stop worrying, like it's something I can just turn off. Believe me, if I could, I would.
I haven't cried over all of this yet unless you count the doubling over in pain from the random shooting streaks of lightning that I swear are running through me. In all of my horrible worry my IBS is so flared up that there's almost no point in even eating. I'm just wasting food. In & right back out again.
I haven't told Husband I'm worried about all this because there is so much else on his plate right now that I don't want to add to it. He will be mad when he finds out I hid how I feeling but it's for his own good for now. He wouldn't tell me to stop worrying if he knew this now. He would tell me that every thing will be fine and he's sure it'll won't be anything major and this mini procedure will take care of everything.
See, no need to bug him.
I hate surgery. It's scary. What's worse? Then anesthesia and the needle that goes in your back. I don't know as of yet if that's how I'll get my anesthesia or not but it freaks me out to no end to not know! The 1st kid was an emergency c-section on an Army base & they were jacked the hell up in the first place so I had no faith in them. . The feeling I get in my body with that running through it makes me want to yomit. Yes, yomit with a Y...because it's worse than regular vomit. The 2nd was planned so I had time in advance to worry & be sick.
I can still, to this day, feel the spot where the needle went in my back and out into my body and I get chills like people say they feel when a ghost walks through them. Just creepy.
I haven't told my mom either. Does that make me a bad daughter? She's like 4 states away & worries just as much as I do, if not more since I'm her child and it wouldn't do either of us any good. I will tell her after & Doc calls with results.
The 15th of May for the laparoscopy is still a long way away.
ever lasting gobstopper
Ha! you thought i was talking about the wonka candy. nope. everyone knows about the wonka candy. i don't need to tell you about something you already know about. that's just silly.
Laundry is the gobstopper of all things that are not candy.
remember the line in the wonka movie with johnny depp?
Willy Wonka: Theses are everlasting gobstoppers. They're for children who are given very little allowance money. You can suck on it all year, and it'll never get any smaller. Ha-ha. Isn't that neat?
Violet: It's like gum.
Willy Wonka: No. Gum is for chewing. And if you tried chewing one of these gobstoppers, you'd break all your little teeth off. But they sure do taste terrific.
Laundry is like that. everlasting except no one wants to use their allowance money to have anything to do with it. they want mom to do it. you can do it all day long & it never gets any smaller. it's not neat at all though. the pile is like rabbits humping. it just keeps multiplying. if you try to do it you'd break your little arms.
Laundry is the gobstopper of all things that are not candy.
remember the line in the wonka movie with johnny depp?
Willy Wonka: Theses are everlasting gobstoppers. They're for children who are given very little allowance money. You can suck on it all year, and it'll never get any smaller. Ha-ha. Isn't that neat?
Violet: It's like gum.
Willy Wonka: No. Gum is for chewing. And if you tried chewing one of these gobstoppers, you'd break all your little teeth off. But they sure do taste terrific.
Laundry is like that. everlasting except no one wants to use their allowance money to have anything to do with it. they want mom to do it. you can do it all day long & it never gets any smaller. it's not neat at all though. the pile is like rabbits humping. it just keeps multiplying. if you try to do it you'd break your little arms.
rantin'. ravin'. bitchin'. moanin'.
wanting to scream.
there is so much to do and it seems as if things have gone on forever in this house. i can see it getting done but the mess is messing with me. where do you start when you're renovating & living in it at the same time? tall child is miserable because we use her rooms for storage as well. she really is getting an attitude lately. walking around huffing at everything she is told to do. sometimes i want to smoosh her. ok, most of the time.
short child is trying my patience. everything she does is a button push to see how far she can go. did i mention i have no patience? for her trying it or for much else lately.
i'm 38 and feel as if i'm going through pre-menopause. hot & cold & bitchy & crying and hate you & love you. it's yuck. i don't care for it, whatever it is.
maybe it's not enough meds?
my mil says i need to change my meds. what the hell does she know? she hasn't been on the right ones in the 13 years i've known her. she drives me up the wall with her 'you need to fix you, i'm fine' attitude. she also has the 'my life is horrible and poor me but i won't do anything about it' attitude. ugh. i want to smoosh her too.
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