My 34th *2008*

*originally posted September 2008*

I wrote part of this the other day because I got my birthday card in the mail and I almost started to cry. Why does everything revlove around a Number? Your age. Your weight. Your height. Really, does it matter? I would normally think 'No' but aparently, it does. I've had an issue with birthdays ever since I turned 30(so, so, so long ago...winkwink ) and I have an issue of weighing more than my husband.

09-18-08
Birthdays are starting to not matter to me anymore.... or so I once thought. I got a card from my grandpa today. My favorite grandpa. My favorite relative next to my uncle, actually. In reality, the card is from my grandpa’s girlfriend. She remembers everything. My grandpa is suffering from Parkinson’s so there's a lot that C. does for him.
I miss the times when *he* would send me cards. I miss those cards. ~~mind wandering~~I wonder if I still have some somewhere. I hope I have at least one card. He used to write notes to me. Just short ones. And it was always signed by him. Now, C. signs it for the both of them. Don’t get me wrong...I love that she cares and that she remembers and I really do appreciate that. But I also love the cards from just him.

My other problem is that it seems that my birthday always gets screwed up somehow with my husband. I know he forgets his own but how many do I have to go thru before I just scream? It’s just not worth it anymore.
Valentine’s doesn't matter (one of which he totally forgot even came and the rest...just went). Mother’s Day hasn't mattered, except now, Heiffer is now 7 and with her imagination, my gifts are really sweet! :) . Christmas wouldn't matter either...if we didn't have kids and that’s sad because I really love the holidays.
I love the Fall. My favorite time of year. New Year’s is another 'holiday'. My husband (Flip) and I have been together for over 8 years now and there is not a single time when he has stayed up with me to ring in the New Year. Unfortunately, the kids aren't old enough to stay up that late yet. Heiffer starts dropping between 10-11 and now Doodlebug is barely over the age of 1 so she really doesn't even care yet.

Will my outlook change? Will it get easier to accept the fact my grandpa isn't the one to pick the cards out anymore? The bonus is that Flip was a Scrooge when we first got together and over the years he's gotten better. I guess, at this rate, we will enjoy every holiday together by the time I'm 80. Hopefully I'll live to see it.
All I can hope is that Heiffer and Doodlebug will carry on the love for the holidays, yet not get wrapped up in the mess of *things* that come with them and that they will cherish their families and their Numbers in life.
And their birthdays, because to me, they are special.